There are instructional videos all over Youtube for this sort of thing. Hold here, pull that, snip this. None promise nor provide world class results, but perhaps they could have saved us from this catastrophe. Given that Eric’s luxurious mane is closer to a mat of wool than a silky head o’ hair, I decided that the film about sheep shearing we watched last month in Wanaka would suffice as a tutorial. Go fast, be gentle, but be thorough, was the take-home message. How hard can it be beyond that?

Phase 1: Preparation
Like the competent beautician I am, I gathered my tools. Scissors, beard trimmer, video camera. Eric meanwhile set about the task of MacGuyvering a haircutting cape from a spare sheet. His handiwork produced an electric blue garment closer to a choir robe, but it would serve it’s intended purpose.

Phase 2: Execution
Operation Afro Obliteration is underway. Eric sends up several warnings from the hot seat (which was actually our toilet resting in the grass at our campsite) while I snip and shear with increasing confidence. I pull the hair away from his scalp in slow, even strokes and slice it away where it sprouts up between my knuckles. Although despite my best intentions and imitation, it still looks like one of the many maimed Barbie doll scalps I’m forced to take responsibility for from my youth. Whoops.

Phase 3: Conclusion
We collected and bagged Eric’s mass of clippings–a whole grocery load. We reviewed the video footage, laughing till we cried later in the evening. Eric has decided to stick with his baseball cap as an everyday accessory, but hey! At least the afro has been demolished. Mission accomplished.

The end.

-K