Ubud

I assumed something was lost in translation when she said, “We collect the poop here.” I smiled and nodded vaguely, simultaneously trying to backpedal my through through contextual clues. It wasn’t until Eric leaned over with a conspiratorial grin, whispering “most hipster coffee over” that I realized I had indeed heard correctly, and that our tour guide was not shitting me. The caged animal before us, whose million dollar feces we were about to reap the benefits from, was the secret ingredient in “lewak coffee”—the most expensive cup of joe in the world.

The process: a special catlike critter consumes coffee berry. (YES, berry! In raw form, they’re also called cherries.) Coffee berry/cherry is fermented inside magical cat body and shat out intact as an indigestible turd. Nice ladies collect and clean (polish?) said turds, crack the shell, and extract the bean. The traditional roast and grind process then follows until tadaaa! Ordinarily a few meager and measured ounces of the stuff retails anywhere from $35-100 a cup. Going straight to the source only set us back $3.75 apiece. The incredible accompanying view of the terraced rice farms below was free bonus.

We had set out this morning planning for a “regular” low-key Sunday—a leisurely drive through the countryside and hot cuppa. What we ended up finding our way into was the most abnormal + awesomely bizarre breakfast experience I have encountered yet. Makes one wonder how an “exciting” weekend might unfold.

One last note on coffee: it seems the proper way to drink “coffee Bali” is to stir, let the grounds settle, and sip—it’s all floating around in the same muddy cup. My first experience had my involuntarily spitting out a wad of grounds in a very classy maneuver. Yeesh. Yuck. Pass.

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